... because it's perfectly balanced.
Just yesterday I played Car Wars - not a roleplaying game, but that didn't stop me. We had six cars gunning for a truck and trailer with a safe with something fancy in it we wanted. I had two cars, driven (I said) by Jean-Claude Van Waffle, the Belgian kickboxer with learning difficulties but great stretch (he could kick people out both car windows while driving), and Li'l Joe, the fat greasy hairy-manboobed trucker spilling soggy burger lettuce all over himself as he drove.
The truck barrelled along at 55mph, and Van Waffle and Li'l Joe charged up at 80mph, firing lasers and rockets into the back, blowing off the side and taking out a wheel, the truck swerving madly across the road. The truck's lasers blew out Van Waffle's engine sending debris across the road and the bonnet flying into Li'l Joe's car. 
Van Waffle's car, powerless, kept rolling along under its own momentum, slowing but still closing with the truck. Next the truck dropped little mines out the back, and these blew out the tyres. Li'l Joe swerved back and forth across the road to avoid them. Van Waffle rolled forward on his wheel rims, sparks flying into the air, his mulletted hair blowing majestically in the wind through the broken windscreen. More mines went off, disintegrating the wheel rims and the underside armour, but the car kept sliding along on the transaxles.
Behind him, Li'l Joe was knocked unsconscious by sustained bursts of laser fire, and just as Van Waffle was slowing and pulling behind the truck, Li'l Joe's now driverless but still powered car rammed into Van Waffle's gliding car, slamming him forward up the truck's side, now with the back armour blown away and the safe lying blackened but intact, tantalisingly open.
Van Waffle perched on the edge of his vehicle's window as powerless and without wheels it began to spin about, and leapt. To succeeded, he needed a 9 on 2d6. The dice came up...
5...
3.
Van Waffle leapt through the air, clutching at the side of the truck bed, his glorious locks trailing behind him... his fingers just missed, and he faceplanted the tarmac at 65mph, rolling away across the road, and the unconscious Li'l Joe ran over him.
You can't get that kind of awesomeness in a perfectly-balanced game
2 comments:
A moment of silence for Van Waffle over here - better luck next time for Van Waffle the Second?
That, my friend, is one awesome read. I was on the edge of my seat from the minute I saw the picture. Fraking awesome, I love it.
Post a Comment